The Query Letter That’s Actually Working

Every journey in traditional publishing starts with a query letter. This is your pitch to a total stranger—your one shot to grab their attention and make them need to read your manuscript.

Over the years, I’ve sent over 150 query letters for multiple novels. Each time, I’d carefully select 20-25 literary agents who seemed like perfect fits. And each time, I’d collect rejection after rejection.

The reason? I sucked at writing queries.

It took writing a mountain of bad queries (and studying countless successful ones) to understand what actually works. I also had to accept a harder truth: my earlier books weren’t good enough. The novels I’ve written since November 2024 are significantly stronger. I’ve grown as a writer, and the query success I’m seeing now reflects that growth.

But enough setup. Here’s the query letter that’s landing manuscript requests:

—

Dear Agent 007,

When retired cosmic hero Marcus “Mac” Sullivan trades saving the universe for serving sandwiches, he thinks his biggest challenge will be mastering the perfect cheesesteak. He’s wrong. His magically enhanced food truck has parked him in the middle of Philadelphia’s hidden supernatural community, where vampires argue about proper blood temperature, werewolves need comfort food during transformation anxiety, and fairy courts wage passive-aggressive wars over parking spaces.

Mac’s new life as supernatural community mediator starts simply enough: helping a lonely banshee rediscover her purpose, negotiating territorial disputes between dragon hoarders and gentrification developers, and learning that his truck’s snarky AI has strong opinions about everything from his driving to his love life. When he falls for Elena Santos, a brilliant librarian who approaches supernatural revelations with academic enthusiasm, Mac begins to believe he’s finally found where he belongs.

But building community is harder than saving worlds. When disputes between the Fairy Courts threaten to spill into the mortal world, an ancient deity crashes the neighborhood block party, and a member of a supernatural hunting order begins asking dangerous questions, Mac must protect his chosen family…one perfectly prepared meal at a time.

A COOK’S GUIDE TO SUPERNATURAL PHILADELPHIA is Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations meets Dresden Files: a 92,000-word cozy urban fantasy about finding purpose after the world has been saved. If published, this would be my debut novel, the first in a planned series following Mac’s continuing adventures.

I am Allan Kaspar, a technical program manager by day (professional plate spinner!), an obsessive reader and writer by night, and a father and husband always. I have an incurable obsession with crafting worlds where friendship and hope are as powerful as sword and spell, and even the most disadvantaged of characters have the power to overcome the greatest obstacles. This obsession started young: recovering from leg surgeries from ages 4 to 12, books became my gateway to distant worlds. Stuck in bed with full casts on both legs, I devoured stories of ancient gods, heroes, and magic, imagining adventures where I wasn’t bound by anything but my own imagination.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Thisfella Righthere

—

The Anatomy of a Working Query

Successful queries follow a specific structure. Some might argue this one runs a bit long, but it’s getting me in the door—so I’m not questioning what works. Here’s the breakdown:

The Hook (Paragraph 1) Your opening has one job: nail the tone immediately. Introduce your protagonist, hint at the world, and answer the critical question: What sets your book apart from the thousand other queries in this agent’s inbox?

The Details (Paragraph 2) Don’t dump your entire plot here. Show the key conflicts hindering your main character from achieving what you hinted at in the hook. Give a taste of the journey, not the whole meal.

The Stakes (Paragraph 3) Even in a cozy novel, things can’t be easy. What makes this story worth reading? What challenges will keep readers turning pages? This paragraph is just as important as your hook—maybe more so.

Genre, Word Count, Comps (Paragraph 4) Some writers put this first. I’ve had better luck leading with story. This section proves you understand your genre, that your manuscript is the right length, and that you’ve thought about your audience. Comps help agents immediately understand who might buy your book.

The Author Bio (Paragraph 5) This one’s tough when you don’t have publishing credentials yet. But it’s your chance to show where your voice comes from. I mention my day job because it signals three things agents value:

• I’m organized (at work, anyway)
• I understand deadlines and hit them consistently
• I can juggle multiple priorities and still deliver

More importantly, it lets the agent connect with you as a person.

Current Stats for This Query:

• 2 agents reading the full manuscript
• 1 agent has me in their “Request Full” pile once they catch up (she said I’d hear back in November—fingers crossed)
• 3 agents reading partial manuscripts (first 20-50 pages)

Try adapting this structure for your own query. If it works for you, I want to hear about it. Find me on Threads and share your journey.